Saturday, January 9, 2010

I Could Have

In my life, there have been so many hard decisions to make lately. A lot of it has been because I've let my family treat me with disrespect. I shouldn't have. But I did. I'm a passive person. One that tries to avoid conflict. And sometimes that means, I just bite my tongue to avoid a fight.

Today was my cousin's baby shower. She is younger than me. But I can't remember her speaking 2 words to me since I was 10. She is generally a rude person. For me, it's not as easy as driving across town to get to the shower. It's more like driving 3 hours one way. Not an easy task. Had she been a little nicer to me, or even showed me a little bit of respect, I would have done it. Not so much for her. But for her mom, and her baby.

It's hard to feel like this. I hate it. I hate even blogging about it. But this is going to be a blog that includes the good with the bad. That doesn't sugar coat life. I'm not a perfect person. In fact, at this moment I probably have a few dishes in the sink. And I can see a stack of papers on my desk. I'm nowhere hear perfect!

But I'm working. Working all the time. And I just found out about the shower on Monday. Who does that? But people in my family are like that. Heck, they call you days before they decide to get married. But for me, I can't imagine traveling over 6 hours to go to a baby shower were people will treat me with disrespect. That's just not good.

As far as a gift, I'm sure I will come up with something to give the baby later on. Because that's the right thing to do. But let's be real here, I didn't have money for Christmas. And I don't have it to pay for school. This is definitely not a priority for me. And that, more than anything else, makes me sad. I try to live a good life. Following in God's ways. But some days, it is almost too much for me. I'll just pray. And ask for God to give me strength. And allow me to do the right thing. ♥

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