Can Stress Break a Family?

In short, yes it can! I'm still in shock about the series of events, that have unfolded in the last 26 hours. I'm probably just in shock. I can't believe that I feel this bad. Or that things have gotten this bad for myself. But I'm just one small part of this equation.

Somehow, complete strangers can see past the smiles. Past the strength I try to show. And they see me. The real woman inside. She's a shattered person. Somewhat representative of this woman that I once was. But so far away from that same person, it leaves me in shock. In complete shock!

The other part of my equation is my family. The same family that I am supposed to lean on and depend on. But I can't. Because I'm having to carry them along with me. I'm having to carry their burdens, their pain, and their anger. Why? Because I'm supposed to be the strong one. The one that fixes all their messes. The one that is supposed to make their wrongs into rights. But it's too much.

Do I think work is partly to blame? It sure is. Do I think all the extra family drama is to blame? Heck ya! The 1 extra person...that makes a big difference too! I don't care who you are, you also need your own space. Privacy. As a young woman, I couldn't imagine having to live with my parents again. You lack that privacy. In the same respect, how do they function with another person living with them? All this stress adds up. And it boils over.

If you are like us, we hold it inside. Each of us dealing with it differently. I hold it in, until I'm about to explode. I don't talk to anyone about the issues that bother me. I don't share at all. Until it breaks me. And I'm usually around J when that happens. He is my rock that I lean on. God Bless my friend. Because Lord knows, he has to deal with a lot! My mom, she also doesn't talk. Then one day, 1 thing goes wrong, and well...she just goes on this yelling thing. My dad, he calls me and unloads everything on me. And in any case, I'm the one trying to make it better.

Not only am I currently trying to hold my life together, but I'm holding every one's life together too. It's beyond difficult. It's more than just my stress. More than trying to put together $3 for bread and noodles. It's holding lots of lives in my hands. Trying to make everyone come out the other end. Making sure we are all OK when this blows over.

I'm too tired to deal with all of this at the moment. I'm going to start another 36 hour shift. Trying to make it until Monday. Scared out of my mind. But sure that God will be right at my side. Guiding me. And with that, I know we will all make it. Somehow, I'm still not sure how. But we will make it. ♥