Dr. Sam told me today that it takes 10,000 hours to get really good at something. Funny! My handwriting has only gotten worse with each passing hour. But I know what he was getting at.
Let's see. I work at least 100 hours a week. Every week. For a few years now. That should be well over 10,000 hours. I see why Dr. Sam is frustrated. I've finally been perfectly trained. And now I'm leaving. I have weeks left.
But I can't continue this way. I can't afford to pay for my internship. Other than school costs (tuition, books, and fees) I pay almost $7500 a semester for my internship. It's a lot of money. And I've done fairly well with paying for everything. Until last semester. When our gigs became almost nonexistent. I knew I should have stopped my internship then. But I pushed forward. And tried to make it all work. I ended up borrowing money from J to finish paying off everything from last semester. And to begin now, in the Spring. That was $6500. And I already have a payment due next Friday.
Yes, it's tough. It's really tough. Especially when I know that I learn more at the hospital than I do at school. I wish I could take some time away from school. I would stay at the hospital. But there are times when you come to that crossroads. And you just have to pick a path to go down.
I guess in the back of my mind, I know that I could take out a loan. Or I could ask my parents for help. But I don't want to go through school to come out owing my life for it. My parents really can't afford to help me. And the money that I saved for school, well it's invested at the moment. So I'm pretty much on my own.
J has been a HUGE help. And I probably lean on him a little too much. But I work for him. At the end of the day, this is like a payday loan. I work, he keeps my checks until I pay him off. He's not pleased about it. He would rather me get through school. Then pay off my debt. But what kind of friend would I be??? Not a very good one.
But it still makes me mad to see how older people can qualify for financial aid. But I can't. That women get to go to school for free because they have kids. But I can't get help. Because my parents make too much money. And because I'm single and under 30, they base my needs off of my parents earnings. Ugh! Meanwhile, I'm on my own. But I'm struggling here. Even if I'm on the Dean's List.
There was an anonymous donor that is willing to pay the tuition base of the internship. But that leaves the insurance part. And my equipment. But you know, it's still out of my reach right now. I'm so grateful that someone out there wants to help me. And I wish that I could accept it. Right now, it's just not a possibility.
I'm going to miss the kids. That's the part that hurts. Because I really enjoy my job. I really enjoy what I do. I like the kids. I like spending time with them. And making them better. I'm going to miss NASCAR Sundays, movie night, the Monkey Munch, talking to the little girls, and holding the preemies. But I need to understand, that some dreams are too big. That some people need a little more than hard work and passion. That some of us, well we need some financial assistance.
These leads me to, I'm going to just go after my dietetic degree. I'm almost done with it. I'm dropping all my med courses. And I'm looking into transferring to the university in my hometown. Because when I graduate, I need to obtain my RD. It means I need to go there for more school. Ugh! I never wanted to go to school there. But I need to do it. And I hope at the end of all of this, that I will find a job. Let's not even talk about the crappy pay for RDs. But you know, I just need to suck it up. Eventually, I hope to be able to chase after my dream of being a doctor again.
This is part of growing up. These are the growing pains that you must go through. The hard decisions that I have to make as an adult. It's not easy. But I can still hold my head up. And I know that I'm doing this. As hard as it is, I'm doing this. One day, I will be stronger for all the sacrifices that I'm making right now. ♥
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